It's hard sometimes. I just do not
understand why people have to be the
way they are. As long as I don't know them
I accept it, but if I know them that means
I have put my trust and energies into the
relationship, and I don't get it. I don't get
why people feel the need to lie, to treat others
in their life like crap some times, nice others,
why they need to pretend to be something
they are not, why they sell out, why they're
shallow, and why they feel the need to treat
someone, anyone, with disrespect. And
what ever do they feel gives them the right
to even try to tell another how to live their
life or what to do? And judge, why is it up
to people to judge another? That isn't our job.
Wow that's a tall order. I just don't want anything
to do with phony people, with liars. Through
the years I have tried very very hard to keep
my integrity intact. I try very very hard to
lead a life that is honest and clean. I try to
not be judgemental, not be bossy, not be
demanding. I am who I am not matter who I
am around - and that is the honest to goodness
truth. I am not into political correctness, lying,
or hiding my true self. I am here, like me or not,
it really doesn't matter.
I believe the judging is not up to us, it is up to
a higher power. I believe pretending to be something
one is not, or selling yourself out, will get you nowhere.
That is why I absolutely do not trust anyone easily.
That is why it takes me a long time to feel respect
for someone. Then once I get there I am vulnerable
if that person is not what I believe them to be. How sad,
for me, not for them. They go on with life happy as
a clam, continuing the pattern. Their time will come,
only I will not be the one doing the judging.
Another thing that gets me - I am one of those that
says if we have an issue let's hash it out right now.
The childishness of people who are moody and
refuse to address the issue is pathetic. Get it out
in the open so everyone feels better, don't act like
you belong in grade school again. But sadly
over the years I have learned there ARE superficial
and hollow people in the world, and that to
some it DOES matter who you are and what
you can do for me, not what has been already
shared or once was.
I just chose not to be this type of person. I am who
I am and I don't care if I am the only one like me
left on the planet (I know I am not). The fault
lies with me sometimes for misjudging people as
being honest and sincere when all the signs are
there that they are anything but. I will learn
and try very hard not to make the same mistake
again in the future.
